


I Could Have Loved You

by writeallnight



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feelings, Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:02:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25272874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeallnight/pseuds/writeallnight
Summary: "Six weeks. He was getting six weeks with her. And then…he wouldn't think about what came next. He didn't want to. Not yet. They had time. Six weeks was practically forever."
Relationships: Lisa Davis/Sonny Quinn
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	1. All to Myself

**Author's Note:**

> This fic. This. Fic. It started as one thing and then it was something else and now I don't know what it is except all kinds of feelings. Basically it's a look at the six weeks in between "Never Out of the Fight" and when Lisa will presumably leave for her officer billet (NO IT'S FINE I'M NOT CRYING THEY'RE TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE THIS WORK NEXT SEASON OKAY?!). These two are special and I hope I'm able to convey that in this fic. As a bonus there will be recommended listening for each chapter. Just songs that sort of make me think of them and mildly influenced some aspects of the chapter. Not necessary, but extra fun! Enjoy!
> 
> Recommended Listening: "All to Myself" by Dan + Shay

"Hey there baby face." Lisa ran her fingers over the smoothness of his cheeks. "Barely even recognized you yesterday. Thought maybe I went home with the wrong guy when I woke up."

Sonny had left her in his bed the morning after Brett's funeral and the only thing that had gotten him through running hills and working scenarios with the boys all day was knowing he'd see her again tonight.

Six weeks. He was getting six weeks with her. And then…he wouldn't think about what came next. He didn't want to. Not yet. They had time. Six weeks was practically forever.

"Yeah well, gotta get all gussied up here once in a while. Snap a pic, make my mama happy," he said. "Too damn bad though. That beard was a work of art."

"It was a beard Sonny. It'll grow back."

"Hey! You're acting like it'll pop back up overnight like a field of daisies. You have no idea how much effort a beard like that takes. You gotta brush it and oil it and make it look all pretty so the ladies still want ya."

"And here I was thinking you were just a lazy ass who didn't like to shave."

"Lazy—!" Sonny looked incensed. "Now listen here lady. There ain't nothing lazy about a man growing himself a beard as an expression of his manhood."

"Oh is that where your manhood comes from? Guess I shouldn't be expecting a whole lot in the bedroom from now on then huh?" She grinned at him while he spluttered. "Come on cowboy, you don't have a comeback for that one?"

He took a step toward her, brazenly invading her personal space. "I didn't hear any complaints about my manhood last night."

She leaned in, clearly unfazed. Damn, he liked it when she was feisty. "Well I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings."

"My feelings?"

"Mhmm."

"Let me tell you something," he was nose to nose with her, "you don't ever have to worry about my feelings."

"Is that so?"

In one swift movement he lowered his lips to hers, grabbing her by the belt loops and pulling her towards him. Her arms went around his neck, fingers finding their way into his hair as their mouths met again and again.

He walked her backward until they hit the wall and she hopped up, her legs wrapping around his waist, settling above his hips. Her movements had become so familiar to him over the last few months. He'd always been afraid of routine because routine quickly became boring, but things with Lisa always felt perfect. And definitely never boring he was reminded as she nipped at his earlobe. God he'd never wanted anyone the way he wanted this woman.

He kissed her neck and she let out a sigh. "Sonny?"

He paused. "Yeah?"

"I like the beard better."

He lifted his head to glare at her. "You're a mean lady, you know that?"

She grinned. "You got a problem with it?"

He growled and carried her into his bedroom, lowering her onto the bed and stripping off his shirt before joining her. "You good?" he asked, his breathing ragged as he hovered over her.

She pulled him toward her and kissed him hard. "Yeah, I'm good."

It quickly turned into the kind of make-out session that high school Sonny would never have had the patience for. Hell, Sonny from a year ago wouldn't have taken his time like this. It was long and slow with lots of laughter, clothes coming off in between kisses and teasing. There was no rush. He was content to be here with her all night.

Sex had always been just sex for him. He was a no-strings-attached, don't-call-us-we'll-call-you kind of guy. As long as everybody walked away happy you could call it a good night. But this thing with Lisa…it wasn't just sex anymore. She saw through all his bullshit, she always had, even before things had heated up between them. This thing with her? It was fun. But it was something else too. Something good.

Some time later she was wrapped up in the sheets. Sonny pushed up onto his elbow. "What are you doing to me woman?" he asked softly as he caressed her hair.

"Teaching you a thing or two about life. Being a man," she said.

"Ha!" he snorted. "Yeah you sure are."

"And me?" she asked. "What am I getting out of this?"

"Well nobody's ever complained about my technique," he grumbled.

"And you won't hear me say a word about it." Her stomach growled. "But you will hear about it if I starve to death in this bed."

"Well we can't have that now, can we?" He checked his watch. "Told the guys I'd meet 'em at the bar at nine. I reckon we've got a little time to get some take out before we arrive there, separately of course."

"Chinese?"

He grinned. "No ma'am. Indian."

"Aw Sonny come on! It's gonna stink in here for a week!"

He pointed a finger at her and reached for his phone. "You're the one who made fun of the beard. That makes dinner my choice tonight."

"All right." She shrugged. "I just don't think I'll feel up to any more hanky-panky after drinks tonight if your breath smells like curry."

They had Chinese. And then drove separately to the bar. Sonny met her in the parking lot. "Well hey there Davis, fancy seeing you here."

She poked a finger at his chest. "You behave yourself tonight."

He held up two fingers and grinned. "Scout's honor."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah scout's honor my ass."

"Sonny!" Jason came up behind him and slapped him on the shoulders. "Davis, or should I say, Officer?"

"Hey Jay," she said, accepting his hug.

"I'm buying the first round in honor of our resident cake eater here."

"What a gentleman," Sonny said following him inside, winking at Lisa as he passed.

The rest of the team had already gathered, picking right up where they'd left off the night before. "That is ABSOLUTELY not how things went down in Panama," Sonny said to uproarious laughter from the rest of the group.

"That's exactly how I remember it," Ray said. "Trent saving your ass from being taken by one of those ladies of the night. Only she wasn't so much a lady of the night as she was a spy."

"Spies look like all the other ladies. How was I supposed to know she was a spook?" He glanced up and saw Lisa heading for the bathroom. "'Scuse me gentlemen. Nature calls."

"Aw, come on Sonny!" Clay said.

"Y'all should talk about Shanghai!" Sonny shot back over his shoulder. "Far as I remember it was Trent's ass that nearly ended up in the bottom of the ocean on that one."

Lisa was just stepping out when he got there. He put one hand against the wall, effectively stopping her from walking out of the hallway that hid them from the rest of the bar. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Just haven't seen you in a couple hours. I missed you."

"I've literally been across the bar."

"Yeah but, that's not exactly quite the same as what we were doing before we got here." He leaned in and kissed her.

She pulled away and glanced over his shoulder as another burst of laughter filled the air. "You're playing with fire Sonny."

"Yeah well, I'm a little drunk."

"A little?"

"A lot."

"That's what I thought."

"Let's go home."

"And miss out on time with the boys? I think you can wait a little longer."

"But I don't want to," he pouted.

"Too bad," she said. "I want to finish my beer. You're just gonna have to wait."

She slipped under his arm and back into the bar. He watched her go, the sway of her hips driving him just a little bit crazy. Her cruelty knew no bounds this evening.

He waited exactly one more hour and then could take it no longer. "Well goodnight guys!" he called over the din of the bar. "Sleep tight and all that."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're leaving?" Jason asked. "It's your round!"

"Put it on my tab," Sonny said.

"What you got a hot date or something?" Clay asked.

"More like a booty call at this hour," Brock said, checking his watch.

"I just need my beauty sleep," Sonny claimed. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." He shot a pointed look at Lisa before stepping out the door.

He arrived home in short order and then waited patiently for Lisa's arrival, which was another forty-five minutes later. He heard the door open, heard the lock click behind her, and then she wandered into his living room. "You trying to kill me woman?" he asked with a scowl.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said as she pulled off her boots.

"When I left, that was your cue to also leave."

"Was it? Huh. I must have missed that somehow." Her eyes sparkled as she sat on the bed. She'd known exactly what she was doing and clearly had enjoyed every second of making him wait.

"If you're missing stuff like that we're going to have to send you back to Sonny's School of Secret Signals."

"Ha!" She snorted. "And what exactly does that entail?"

"Well there are quite a few. You're going to have to pay very close attention."

"Am I now?"

"For example, this signal I'm giving you right here? This is the 'I Would Like to Have Sex' signal."

She scrunched up her nose. "That's it huh? You think maybe it could be a little bigger?"

He grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder, carrying her into the bedroom while she laughed. It turned out she was a pretty quick study.


	2. Poison and Wine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended Listening: Poison and Wine by the Civil Wars

They were practically living together. In the last three weeks they'd only spent two nights apart when she'd gone to visit some friends in Georgia. Sure, they still had separate homes. But he had a toothbrush at her place and she'd taken over a drawer at his and honestly it didn't seem to matter where they ended up at the end of the day as long as it was together.

Sonny had never been a relationship kind of guy. He'd had court side seats to watching Jason and Alana implode, nursed Trent and Brock through more than one bender and subsequent hangover precipitated by a woman. He didn't know how the fuck Ray managed it with two kids. And if Clay Spenser wasn't the poster child for what being a SEAL could do to your relationship with your kids, he didn't know who was. The idea of something more permanent wasn't even on his radar.

But here they were shopping for groceries like the fricking Cleavers. Part of him was completely freaked out, but a bigger part of him told his worries to shut the hell up because he'd never been so happy and content in his life.

"Do you want barbecue chips or regular?" she asked as they wandered the store.

Sonny took the bags from her hands and put them into the cart. "Both."

She rolled her eyes. "In what world do we need two bags of potato chips?"

"In a world where maybe we have some guests over. And they need chips."

"Are we feeding the whole neighborhood?"

"A little spontaneous block party never hurt anybody."

"Like you've ever thrown a spontaneous block party." She added a pineapple to the cart. "Do you want to get pork? We can do sliders tomorrow night."

"Yep."  
He wandered to the meat section then grabbed a case of her favorite beer on the way back to find her. He could hear her laughing before he saw her and realized too late she was chatting with a friend. He was already in the aisle so he just walked back up to the cart and deposited his findings. "Sorry to interrupt."

The other woman was looking at him curiously. "Oh, Sonny this is Casey. Casey this is Sonny."

"Nice to meet you." Sonny shook her hand.

He might not be the most well versed on the inner workings of women but the way Casey was looking at him told him she was interested. "I've heard a lot about you Sonny. Honestly I kind of expected a pistol and some spurs."

He chuckled. "I like to save those for special occasions."

"You're one of the team guys right?"

"I'm Navy, yeah."

"Hmmm…." She openly looked him up and down and he nearly laughed out loud at how obvious she was being. "So what are you two shopping for?"

"Team barbecue. At Sonny's place," Lisa improvised.

"Oh fun! I love a good barbecue."

Sonny faked a cough to cover his laugh. She was fishing for an invite.

Lisa's eyes had become a little frosty. "Good to see you. We'll get coffee next week?"

"Yeah definitely." Casey took the hint and began to stroll away with her cart. "Nice to meet you Sonny. Enjoy your shopping!"

Sonny raised his eyebrows, waiting only until Casey was out of earshot before voicing a question. "What was that?"

"What?" Lisa asked, pushing the cart in the opposite direction of where her friend had headed.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were a little jealous."

She scoffed. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Mmhmmm."

"I am not jealous!" She shrugged. "And technically you're free to flirt if you want to."

It occurred to Sonny that the little spark of green eyed monster he'd seen in Lisa's eyes might not have been there if she'd come outright and said they were together. But they weren't. Not officially. That was the deal right? Have fun together for as long as it was good and beyond that…He frowned. The idea that Lisa would think he'd even consider seeing someone else while they were doing whatever this was didn't sit right with him. "You know I'm not…that I wouldn't…I told you I was giving up my punch card to the Pleasure Palace and I meant it. I wouldn't lie to you about that."

She stopped and looked at him. "I know. But I'm not going to be here forever. I wouldn't want to hold you back."

"Back from what? Bars and strippers? They'll still be there when you're gone." He winced as soon as he said it. "That's not what I meant."

She rolled her eyes. "I know what you meant."

"Davis—" It suddenly seemed extremely important that she knew what she meant to him, but he couldn't quite find the words.

She smiled. "It's all right Sonny. Come on. We still need stuff for tacos."

She seemed sincere enough, but something felt different over the next few days. He tried to put it from his mind as they sat at a coffee shop enjoying breakfast. She was smiling at him, holding his hand across the table and he honestly couldn't even process all the things that made him feel.

Of course that was when he spotted Clay and…was that really Stella with him? They were walking directly toward the shop. Sonny cursed internally. For a freaking SEAL he apparently wasn't good at staying underground. "Sonny!" Clay raised a hand in greeting and Lisa's fingers immediately slipped away.

"Clay." Sonny nodded. "Stella."

Stella looked a little uncertain, as if she wasn't sure she'd be welcome, but she smiled and greeted both of them. "You want a coffee babe?" she asked Clay.

"Yeah and a bagel."

"I'll go with you," Lisa said. "Sonny you want a refill?"

He nodded and handed her his cup. Clay settled into her empty seat. "You and Lisa drink coffee now?" he asked.

"Something wrong with coffee?"

"No I knew you two were drinking buddies I just thought it was more of the beer and whiskey kind."

"Too early in the day. Gotta know your limits Hannah Montana."

"What's with you lately?" Clay asked. "You've practically turned into a monk the last couple months. Something you want to tell me?"

Sonny glanced inside and saw Lisa laughing at something Stella had just said. "Just trying something new."

Clay followed his gaze. "You want to talk about it?"

He cleared his throat. Clay might have his suspicions, but Sonny wasn't giving up anything specific. "Clearly you have something to share with the class." He turned the tables on his buddy and raised his eyebrows. Stella had been a pretty taboo subject since Mexico. Apparently a lot could happen when you got blown up and separated from your team for months on end.

Clay shrugged. "She came to me. And I…I don't know."

Sonny leaned back a bit. "You know young Jedi, I am definitely not the person to come to for relationship advice. But I always thought Stella was one of the good ones. So if she's back, I'd give it a shot."

"And what about you?" Clay's look was pointed. "Is 'Something New' one of the good ones too? Because you know she won't stick around if you're out there looking for a little something on the side."

"Hey!" Sonny said sharply, his temper rising. "I would never do that to her. I may be a little rough around the edges, but I have never, _ever_ cheated on anybody."

"Sorry," Clay raised his hands and backed off. "Not my business anyway."

The spike of defensiveness Sonny had felt ebbed way. Clay wasn't wrong in suggesting he'd been a bit of a player. Heaven knew they'd been to enough strip clubs together to make that clear. But he hadn't seen anybody else since this thing with Lisa started. Hadn't even wanted to.

That thought lodged in his heart as the ladies came back, coffee in hand and Stella and Clay took off. Lisa sipped her brew and studied Sonny. "You all right? Sounded like it got a little heated out here for a second."

Sonny forced a smile. "Nah. Just arguing about the game last night."

She raised her eyebrows. "You think I don't know when you're lying Sonny Quinn?"

"Well," he cleared his throat, "just a head's up, Clay might suspect something. I didn't confirm or deny it but, he made it pretty clear he knows something's up."

"Will he tell Jason?"

Sonny shook his head. "Nah. He'll keep it to himself. Til he thinks I need a little heart to heart or some shit. Then he'll get all quiet and say one of those bromance moment things like, 'You want to talk about it?'"

"Would that be so bad?"

"Have you ever sat through a chick flick moment with Clay? It's like being at the dentist. He just asks question after question and looks at you with those sad, puppy dog eyes and suddenly you're telling him about that time your mama whupped you for eating the pie she made for the church potluck." Sonny shivered. "Terrible."

"I thought you were trained to withstand interrogation."

"Not that kind. Damn kid always gets what he wants. It's that stupid hair."

"His hair makes you tell him things?"

"And the eyes. Remember what I said about the eyes."

"You know you talk such a big talk Sonny when I know full well that you've made the guys spill their guts to you on several occasions."

"Yeah but I don't like it the way Clay seems to. When I do it, it's a necessity. And it is usually followed up by a lot of beer." He fiddle with his cup for a second. "Why are we keeping this a secret again?"

"Because of policy. And it was just kind of…a one time thing."

"Yeah but that was before. Now it's like a…" he thought for a second, "well a lots of times thing. Why aren't we telling people now?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. At first I think we both thought it wouldn't work out. And I know we're both having fun here Sonny but this has an expiration date."

"Would you want it to work out? If you were staying?" The words surprised him and it was clear they surprised her too.

"Sonny." She set her mug down. "I am going to leave. Are you going to be okay with that?"

"You asking me if I'm going to sink into an alcohol fueled depression full of glitter and panties?"

"Well I wouldn't have put it that way but, yes, I'm telling you that I want you to be all right. That I want you to move on."

"Yeah. Yeah I'll be fine." But it didn't sound convincing, even to his own ears.

She looked serious. "Sonny I have to know that you're going to be okay once I'm out of here because if you're not…then that's my fault."

"Your fault? It takes two to tango lady."

But she wasn't listening to him, instead shaking her head, distress written all over her face. "Maybe we never should have started this. If I leave you behind and you fall apart, if something happens to you like what happened to Danny…"

"I am not going to end up like Danny." Things were rapidly spiraling out of control. This wasn't how he'd intended for this conversation to go.

"You have to be one hundred percent at all times Sonny. It's the difference between you coming home on a plane or in a box. I don't know, maybe we should just stop now."

His heart squeezed in his chest. "Lisa, I'll be all right. But don't—don't push this away just because you're scared of the future."

"Don't lie to me Sonny." She shook her head. "I've seen you when things go wrong. After Alana. After the last deployment. You bury yourself in drinking and partying and push away the pain until there's nothing left but this empty shell."

"That's not going to happen this time."

"How do you know?"

"Because you've changed me!" The words exploded from him, and then he lowered his voice, realizing they were still in public. "Because I'm different now."

She bit her lip and looked up at him like she didn't quite believe what he was saying. "Lisa, I was a mess before you. And I'll admit, it's not going to be smooth sailing when you're gone because," he paused and tried to gather his thoughts, "because you mean a lot to me. But I will be all right. I promise. And I…I really, _really_ don't want to stop doing whatever this is just because it's going to hurt like hell when it's over. I think it's worth having."

"I don't know Sonny. I think we just moved too fast here."

She was pulling back. He could see it in her eyes and it hurt like hell. "Lisa, I am all in on this. But if you're not, if you want to walk now…I'll be okay. We'll be okay."

She looked so confused and he wanted to take it all back to how it had been just an hour ago when she was holding his hand like they were real. Like this whole thing was more than just a fling.

"I think um, I think I'm just going to go back to my place for a little bit. Figure some things out." She was fighting back tears.

He tried to keep his voice normal even as his heart ripped in half. "All right. You want to talk, you just give me a call all right?"

"Yeah. Yeah I will."

It felt like the air had been sucked from his lungs watching her walk away. Damn it. Damn it all to hell.


	3. Let's Hurt Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended Listening: Let's Hurt Tonight by OneRepublic

She didn't call that night and Sonny slept fitfully, cold and alone in his bed. He kept reaching for her in his sleep and then waking up when he found she wasn't there, his heart shattering a little more each time. They'd played with fire. It could only burn for so long before something had to give.

He was irritable all day at work. So irritable that even Brock called him out on it. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked when Sonny aggressively dropped his weights for the hundredth time.

"Nothing," Sonny grunted, racking up another set.

He could see Clay watching him out of the corner of his eye but he ignored their rookie team member. His plan was to work himself into a blind exhaustion in the hopes it would make his heart hurt a little less and he didn't want to talk to a single person about it, except maybe Lisa, and she clearly didn't want to right now.

Maybe he should get a dog, he thought when he arrived home to a dead quiet apartment for the second night in a row. Some kind of big, manly dog who would get along with Cerb. Like a Great Dane. Or one of those wolf things from Game of Thrones. He looked around the empty space and shook his head. A dog was too much work. Who would watch him during deployments? Maybe a goldfish.

He ate a microwave dinner alone in front of the TV on autopilot, barely even tasting the rubbery chicken and runny potatoes. Sonny of earlier days would have screwed all this and gone straight to the bar or the club, but all he could think about was Lisa. Was she all right? Was she thinking about him? Would she ever speak to him again?

The thought of losing her permanently settled into the pit of his stomach and he set down his crappy dinner feeling sick. She was right. This whole thing had been a mistake. He'd gone too far and he'd lost his best friend.

He picked up his phone, scrolling to her number, thumb hovering over her picture. Then he swiped away and put it down, only to pick it back up again ten seconds later and do the same thing all over again before tossing it to the other side of the couch. He wouldn't call her. He would give her the space she needed, even if everything inside of him ached without her there. He would give her time and hope that would be enough to at least keep their friendship alive.

* * *

Someone was pounding on his door. He woke abruptly from sleep, every nerve ending on hight alert. He squinted, looking down at this phone. Three in the morning. He'd fallen asleep on the couch. He didn't have any missed calls so it wasn't Jason or anybody else from the team. God he hoped it wasn't Mrs. Winkelstein from down the hall looking for help with her cat again. He didn't mind usually, but at this hour he didn't feel like trying to coax Mr. Tinkles out from under the bed.

The pounding continued as he walked to the front door. Glancing through the peephole he let out a breath and pulled it open. "Are you all right?"

Lisa's lips crashed against his and he instinctively drew her close, his hands finding the small of her back and pulling her flush against him without even thinking about it. It had only been a day but he found himself desperate to hold her, to keep her close, and to never, _ever_ let her go away from him again.

She let out a sigh, hands sliding around his neck, opening her mouth, not bothering to pull away for air. His mind whirled through series of possibilities until he felt dizzy and he lost all track of where he was and what was happening. A door slammed down the hall, reminding him that they were neither alone, nor were things completely all right between them. He forced himself to pull back even as Lisa groaned in protest. "Davis, what's going on?"

She didn't answer, just grabbed his shirt and pressed her lips to his again. It took a massive amount of his own willpower not to let her continue with whatever she had planned. "Lisa, Lisa, listen," he said, this time trying to put physical space between them. "Not that I mind a late night make out session but let's just take a second and regroup, all right?"

"Are you all right?" he asked again once she was settled on the couch.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry, I should have called first." Her eyes were red like she'd been crying and she looked exhausted.

"Hey you don't need to be sorry about that. You're welcome here any time you want to be." He sat down opposite her, deliberately keeping distance between them. They needed to keep their hands off of each other long enough to sort this out. He was thrilled she was in his apartment and wanted nothing more but to take her to his bedroom and kiss her until dawn, but he had to make sure they were okay before things got all tangled up again and clearly being any less than two feet away from each other was problematic. "I've missed you."

"I missed you too." Despite her boldness a few minutes ago she looked uncertain now.

"Is that why you came back?" He asked it tentatively, scared of what her answer might be.

She swallowed hard, leaning forward so her elbows rested on her thighs, hands clasped together so tightly her knuckles went white. "I've been thinking. A lot. I'm…I'm really scared," she said, her voice breaking a little, " because becoming an officer has been my dream for a long time, and I don't want to do anything to compromise that."

"I would never ask you to," he told her. Was that what she'd thought? That he would make her give up her career for him? Oh god, he'd really fucked this one up.

"I know." She sniffed, tears filling her eyes. "That's the problem. Because if I had known when I started all of this that it was going to come down to a choice between that and you…" she shrugged helplessly, "I might have chosen you."

His heart thundered in his chest and his mouth felt dry. It was what he'd wanted so badly to hear. "I don't know what to do with that," she said. "I don't know how to make that feeling go away, or even if I want it to." She shook her head. "And I want you to be all right when I leave because you mean too damn much to me for me to mess up your life, which means I probably shouldn't even have come over here." She was rambling now the words falling fast as the anguish of the last day poured out of her. "But the whole time I was thinking about everything, all I wanted was somebody to talk to about it and the only person I wanted to talk about it with was you. It always comes back to you."

She looked up at him, and gave a pathetic little laugh. "God Sonny, please say something because I am drowning over here."

He reached for her hands needing to touch her despite his earlier attempts at distance. "I'm really glad you came back." If he was ever going to lay it all on the line, this was the moment. "You're doing something to me Lisa. I never wanted this kind of thing before, but now…now it's all I want. It's all I think about." He rubbed a hand across his face. "I worry about you when you're hurting. I think about you when you're gone. And when we're apart all I want is to get back to you. Hell even when I'm with you all I want is to stay with you."

If he were a better man he'd let her go now. He'd let her be free before they did irreparable damage to their friendship or their hearts. But she'd been honest with him and he refused to lie to her about how he felt.

"You scare the shit out of me." He cleared his throat nervously. "The way I feel about you…I didn't think it was something that could be real. And I'm not saying I'm ready to leave Bravo and follow you across the country but I guess what I'm feeling is…I kind of wish I was."

It was a huge admission and he could tell she knew it. "It seems like we're kind of on the same page here. What we have to decide is if we want to keep going. This thing we've got Lisa, it's more than just a thing to me and I think it is for you too. And if it scares you and makes you want to leave, I'll respect that. But if you want to stay…I need you to know I want you to. I really, _really_ want you to be here with me."

He waited, heart pounding in his chest, mouth dry, for her response. She looked up and met his gaze, her eyes full of certainty for the first time in days. "I should walk away. But I—I can't Sonny. I can't give you up. I'd rather take a few more weeks together with you and have it hurt like hell after, than not have them at all." She swallowed hard. "Is that asking too much?"

Sonny's breath caught in his throat and he couldn't have looked away even if a bomb exploded. "I would do anything for even five more minutes with you," he said, his voice low and raspy.

She leaned forward to kiss him again and this time he didn't stop her. He almost wanted to cry at the familiarity of his lips on hers, the way she pressed herself against him, how her body felt in his hands.

She climbed into his lap and if he thought couldn't breathe before there was absolutely no chance of it now. Fire burned low in his belly. God had it only been one day since they'd been together? It felt like forever since she'd been in his arms. She moved to kiss his neck and he buried his face in her hair, inhaling the sweet smells of lavender and vanilla. Everything about her was soft and warm and sweet and familiar. Being with her felt like coming home.

She pushed him back into the couch straddling his hips. "So, you just got one thing on your mind tonight or what?" he asked breathlessly as she tugged at his shirt.

"Sonny."

"I'm just saying a guy might get the idea that you're only interested in one thing."

"Sonny!"

"Are you at least going to make an honest man out of me after this?"

She sat all the way up and glared at him, chest heaving. "Sonny, if you don't shut up and start taking your pants off I'm walking back out that door."

"Well alrighty then."


	4. Say You Won't Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended Listening: "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur

She was wearing his shirt, perched on the counter with her feet dangling over the edge, eating a bowl of cereal. Her hair was still mussed and she had last night's make-up smudged under her eyes. "What?" Lisa asked when she caught him looking.

"How can you be so damn beautiful this early in the morning?" Sonny said.

She smirked at him around a mouthful of cereal. "It's a gift."

He cradled her face in his hands, lowering his lips to hers. She put her bowl down and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him lazy and slow. "We should go somewhere this weekend," he said, resting his forehead against hers.

It was their last one together and he wanted it to be special; something they would remember for a long time after.

"Okay…" Lisa said slowly. "Somewhere like where?"

"Anywhere. Like one of those little bed and breakfast things. Or Six Flags."

She laughed and pulled back a bit. "Those are the options? A B and B or Six Flags?"

"Well hell Davis, I'm just trying to think outside the box here. I don't know much about being a couple," he grumbled as he began fixing his own cereal.

"I'm have a hard time imagining Sonny Quinn fitting into a double bed with cats on the quilt."

He grinned at her, shifting his weight so he was leaning into her body. "If the bed's tiny then we'll just have to cuddle real close."

"Do we do the group bird watching before or after that?"

He laughed. "Fine. No B and B's. But do you want to go somewhere?"

"Yeah, that would be fun."

"Then I'll make a few calls."

She raised her eyebrows. "That's it? You'll make a few calls?"

"Yep."

"What are you, the Wolf of Wall Street?"

"I'll have you know I've got connections lady."

"Oh you do?"

"I do."

"Care to share what these connections are?" She raised her eyebrows at him but he refused to bite.

"Not particularly."

She hopped off the counter and stepped closer to him, running her hands over his chest. "Are you refusing to answer an officer's question?"

He caught her hands, trapping them against his skin. "Yes ma'am."

"Hmmm…well I'm not sure that can be tolerated."

Despite her best efforts Sonny made plans and refused to tell her where they were going, only that she should bring a swimsuit. Or not, although that suggestion had gotten him a swat to the arm.

Late Friday evening they set out for their mystery destination. "So, where we going?" Lisa asked as they pulled onto the road.

"That's for me to know and you to find out," he said.

"What is this a need-to-know mission? My clearance level not high enough?"

"That's right."

She rolled her eyes. "You're going to have to tell me eventually."

"I'll tell you what, you guess right and I'll spill the beans."

"The beach."

He snapped his head around to look at her. "How did you…?"

"I am an Officer in the United States Navy. If you think you can pull a fast one on me you've got another thing coming. Also, maybe delete the history on your laptop once in a while." She smirked as she dug in the snack bag for a Twizzler.

Sonny shook his head. "Davis, I've always said you were magic."

"Don't you forget it. But, you hate the beach. And I did not pack your shark repellent bracelet."

"True. But _you_ love the beach."

The smile on her face was enough to give him the warm and fuzzies. Making her happy was his new favorite feeling, followed closely by drinking beers with his boys and blowing up bad guys.

They pulled into the condo in the early afternoon. "Not bad," Lisa said as they walked in the door. She looked out onto the porch. "Hot tub?"

"I requested that specifically," Sonny said, a wicked grin on his face.

"Yeah I'm sure you did." She turned and looked at him. "Why are we doing this Sonny?"

"Because it's fun?"

"We could have had all the same fun at home."

"Nuh, uh. We do not have a hot tub at home."

She looked at him expectantly. "Come on."

He shrugged. "I don't know. I just…wanted one weekend where I didn't have to look around every corner because somebody we know might see us and wonder what's going on." He looked at her helplessly. "I just wanted two days where I could hold your hand without worrying it would cost us our jobs."

She went up on her tiptoes and gave him a peck on the lips. "You did good Sonny."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Now get yourself cleaned up. I'm taking you to dinner."

"Oh you're taking me?" he asked with smile.

"That's right. You earned it."

"So this is what it's like being a kept man. I could get used to it."

She smacked his shoulder.

They had dinner on the waterfront and true to his word Sonny held her hand, even going so far as to sit on the same side of the table as her which made her laugh and lean into his side in a way that made his heart just about fall to pieces. They shared dessert and kissed whenever they felt like it, much to the chagrin of their server. And when they got back to the condo they made excellent use of the hot tub.

They woke up late the next morning, the sun high in the sky before they even thought about getting out of bed. Sonny almost regretted getting up at all when they got down to the beach and Lisa revealed her bikini. "Come on Frogman!" she called as she stood in the surf, waves crashing around her ankles. "I'll keep the sharks away, I promise."

"God damn it woman," he said, eyeing the waves with trepidation. "I am not coming out there!"

"Your loss," she said as she dove under, coming up seconds later with a grin on her face.

"Oh hell," he huffed, stripping off his shirt and running into the waves, hopping a little as he tried not to touch any crabs or other sea life.

"Ooh, look at the brave Navy man coming into the ocean," she teased, floating beyond the breakers. "Need me to call the lifeguard?"

"You'd better watch out," he said as a wave nearly took him to his knees, "cuz when I get over there you're going to be in trouble."

"At the rate you're going it'll be midnight before you get out here," she said.

"I am—" whatever he was about to say was cut off as a waved hit him in the chest and pulled him under. He came up sputtering, Lisa laughing at his misfortune. "I do not understand the appeal of turning yourself into a pickle and getting eaten by sea critters," he groused.

"Come on Sonny." Lisa reached for his arm and pulled him out further with her into the calmer water. "See? This isn't so bad."

Sonny's feet could barely brush the sandy floor. "If you let me drown out here I will never forgive you."

"You're not going to drown," she said with a roll of her eyes. "Just relax."

"Relax? This feels like a bad day at the office. One where I forgot my SCUBA gear and the baddies threw me back to be shark bait." He wasn't lying. The water truly did make him nervous.

"Sonny." She put her arms around his neck. "Relax. I'm right here."

He jerked, nearly pulling them both under. "What was that?"

"My foot," she said dryly. "Oh my god, you are ridiculous. Just, look at me. Let the water calm you down."

"Only thing that's gonna make me calm is getting back on dry land."

She grabbed the back of his head and kissed him hard. Her lips tasted like salt and coffee and he kissed her back with enthusiasm. Her legs wrapped around him, both of their bodies weightless in the water. He didn't even realize his fingers had begun toying with the ties on her top until she pulled back. "Whoa there sailor. We may be away from our friends but we're still on a public beach."

He grinned. "Whoops. Guess you did too good a job distracting me there."

"You wanna do it again?"

"Yes ma'am."

They spent a little longer in the water until a fish jumped up in front of Sonny, nearly hitting him in the face, and he declared himself officially "done." Lisa didn't feel like sitting yet so they went for a walk down the beach, fingers entwined as they looked for shells and other treasures between the waves.

She reached down to pick up a shell, turning it over in her fingers before letting it drop back into the water. A crab scuttled in front of him and he jumped, trying not to step on it while she laughed at him. "Oh, you think that's funny huh?"

He scooped her up in his arms as she shrieked and laughed, spinning her around a couple times before tossing her, gently, into the surf. She came up dripping wet, shoving limp strands of hair out of her face. "Where are your manners Sonny Quinn? Your mama would be ashamed."

"Uh uh. You ain't making me feel guilty about justified retribution," he said, dodging her attempt to latch onto his ankle.

She got to her feet and put her hands on her hips. "So what you're telling me is you don't want allllllll of this in your bed tonight?"

He considered her for a moment. "You play dirty Davis."

She wrapped her arms around him, getting him almost as wet at she was while she whispered in his ear, "And that's just the way you like it."

Hours later they lay on the beach, bodies warm from the sun. Sonny traced patterns on the bare skin of her back with his fingers. "What the hell are we going to do without you? Who the fuck is gonna watch my back?"

"You're just going to have to watch your own back." She pushed up on her elbow so she could really look at him. "You will right? Watch your own back?"

"Davis you know my self preservation instinct is incredibly high. In fact, I might be even safer without you around, yacking in my ear all the time."

"Oh is that what I do?"

"Every second of every mission."

"You'd better watch your mouth Sonny Quinn," she warned.

"Oh do I? Do I need to watch it?" He leaned over and kissed her. "How about now? Do I need to watch it now?" He rolled, pulling her top of him, arms going around her to hold her firmly against his chest, kissing her again while she laughed. "What about now? How's it looking?"

She lifted her head and stared down at him in a way that made his heart thunder inside his chest. "Sonny."

"Yeah?"

"I—" She hesitated. "I'm going to miss you a lot."

It seemed like she'd been about to say something else, but instead she just leaned forward and kissed him softly again.

Being with her was perfect and everything else seemed dark in comparison. He wanted to beg time to slow down so he could hold her just a little longer, stay here with her just a little longer, keep the future at bay just a little bit longer. "You ready to take this party back inside?" he asked, his voice low.

She nodded and they got to their feet, walking hand in hand back to the condo. They were living in a fantasy and for this weekend, it was all they wanted.


	5. What if I Never Get Over You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter for this one. I really love this one. And you should absolutely do the recommended listening before reading. Or while reading. Or after reading. Or all three. It's one of my new favorites.
> 
> Recommended Listening: "What If I Never Get Over You" by Lady Antebellum

Sonny was lying in Lisa's bed, watching her pack. "Don't forget your sneakers for running," he said.

"I'm pretty sure they have sneakers on the west coast Sonny."

"Yeah but they might be like weird, vegan ones or something."

"I can always order some carnivorous ones from Amazon."

"Well pack 'em anyway."

"You know, you could get up and help," she said as she sat on the end of the bed.

"And rob you of the joy of a job well done?"

She tossed a pillow at him and he caught it, shoving it right back at her before leaning over to give her a kiss. She smiled, then narrowed her eyes at him. "You stop that right now. I have things to do today. Can't have you dragging me back into this bed to have your way with me."

He kissed her again and despite her protests she found she did have some time to spend with him after all.

"You're sure this isn't a surprise goodbye party?" Lisa asked later that evening.

They'd spent the day completing her packing and were headed to the bar for one last night out. "Nope," Sonny said, turning into the parking lot.

"Because I told you I didn't need another sendoff."

"Yep you did."

"So why is Clay's truck over there?" She pointed to the left as he parked. "With Brock's right next to it? And Ray and Naima's minivan?"

He got out and closed his door. "Well would ya look at that. Guess everybody's a little thirsty tonight."

"Sonny…"

"Not my idea," he said wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "If it were up to me, we would be at home naked right now. But when Jason gets something in his head, you know how it goes." He put an arm around her shoulder. "Act surprised."

They entered the bar to raucous cheers from the team and a hearty welcome from the bar staff and live band. "You guys," Lisa protested. "You didn't need to do this."

"Hey, it's not every day we get a cake-eater spy on the inside," Clay said. "We gotta make sure you still like us in case we ever need any favors."

"Can't believe you're leaving us for California." Trent handed her a drink. "Next time you come back to visit you're gonna be all tan and eating kale."

" _If_ I come back," she joked. "I might just like it so much I stay there forever."

She was teasing but it was a reality check for Sonny. He'd been trying hard all week not to think about the fact that she was leaving tomorrow and so far he'd been doing pretty well. But seeing how empty her place was, standing here with the guys tonight, saying goodbye…she was really going and leaving him behind.

"You're going to take one step onto a beach and forget all about us," Clay said over the noise of the live band. Stella was leaning against him, beer in hand. They looked happy. Sonny felt a pang of jealousy.

"More like you're going to step one foot into work and they're never going to let you come back because they like you too much," Naima told her.

Lisa nodded. "It's going to be different. I'm going to miss all of you." Cerberus nudged her hand from below and she rubbed his ears. "Especially you buddy."

"I thought I told you you couldn't have him in here," the bartender groused.

"He's a working dog," Brock said calmly.

"Is he actively sniffing out bombs in my bar? Because if not, he's gotta go."

"Aw, come on Frank, don't be so uptight. It's Davis' last night! We all gotta be here to celebrate!" Jason said.

"Buy him a beer and he can stay," Frank said grudgingly.

"Done! Brock, drink the dog's beer!" Jason slapped the bar and then raised his own bottle in the air. "To Davis. To her new adventure and new people that she'll never like as much as us."

Lisa's eyes met Sonny's as the drinks were lowered and chatter continued. Twenty-four hours from now she'd be gone. God damn it. He was going to hate this.

The hour was growing late and the band slowed things down. Sonny came up behind Lisa and took her hand, pulling her away from Brock and Trent. "Come dance with me," he said, sweeping her into his arms and out onto the make-shift dance floor.

Ray was doing the same with Naima and Stella was pulling Clay over, laughing against his protests that he had two left feet. "Sonny." Lisa's eyes were wide as she looked around. "People are going to notice."

"Nobody's going to say anything," he said. "They're going to see two good friends sharing a dance. Let's just have one night where we don't have to pretend to be something we're not."

"I thought you didn't dance."

"Well tonight I'm making an exception. Gotta send you off proper."

She let him wrap his arms around her, her own going around his neck as they swayed back and forth. "So, how ya feeling?" he asked quietly.

"Good," she said. "I'm good."

"You look beautiful tonight."

"Thank you."

He studied her face, trying to memorize every detail of how she looked, how she felt pressed against him. "If we were anywhere else I'd kiss you right now."

"I would kiss you right back."

She leaned her head against his chest and he pulled her in closer. It was an intimate gesture and he thought honest to goodness he might start crying in this bar with all his buddies watching. He could feel her heart beating against him, felt her sigh, felt when the first tears began to soak through the front of his shirt. "Hey," he said. "No crying."

"I'm not." Her voice was muffled against his chest.

Clay's eyes caught his over Stella's shoulder and he gave a slight nod. Well at least he had the kid's blessing. He was pretty sure Ray was looking too but he didn't care. Not even a little bit. "If you cry, then I'm going to cry, and then we're both going to be embarrassed," he said.

The temptation to kiss the top of her head was overwhelming but he didn't want to take it to a place of no return. "You are the best thing that ever happened to this team," he murmured in her ear. "And you are definitely the best thing that ever happened to me. And I—" his voice caught and he cleared his throat, "I'm going to miss you. Every day."

The music changed but he didn't let her go, still swaying quietly on the spot until she finally looked up, her eyes red. "Take me home," she said. "Please."

He nodded, tenderly brushing the hair out of her eyes. "You sure you don't want to stay a little longer?"

She shook her head. "I just want to be with you tonight."

"All right."

She took her time saying goodbyes. There were lots of hugs and she stayed strong the entire time, smiling and laughing with her boys. Sonny put an arm around her shoulders as they walked to the car. He took her home one last time and held her as she cried until she fell asleep. He waited until then to shed a few tears of his own.

When he woke in the morning his eyes were gritty and sore. He could tell Lisa was already awake by the way she was breathing. He shifted a little bit and tightened his hold on her. "I can't believe I'm going." She said it so quietly he almost didn't hear her.

"Hey, no regrets," he said. "It's been good. But you gotta do this for you."

"I don't want to leave you."

He didn't know what to say to that. Because in all honesty, he didn't want her to leave either and he was about one sad plea away from booking a flight and going right along with her to California. "Look," he finally managed, turning her over so she faced him, "I don't believe in fate or anything like that. But I do believe in me and you. This ain't goodbye. It's just a see you later."

She looked like she was about to cry again and his heart just couldn't stand it. "Come on," he said, kissing her forehead. "You've got a flight to catch."

They drove to the airport in silence. Sonny kept trying to come up with something to lighten the mood but failed pretty miserably. Lisa's hand sought his and she didn't let go until he pulled into the short term parking.

He helped her with her bags and walked with her to get them checked. Again her hand found his and he held on tightly. There was no one here who knew them. Secrecy didn't matter anymore.

They stood in front of the security check, hands locked together, neither of them able to speak. Finally Sonny cleared his throat. "You'll let me know when you get there?"

"Yeah." She nodded.

"You uh, you need a magazine or anything? It's a long flight." God why was he making inane small talk when there was so much else he should be saying?

"I'm good."

He pulled her into his chest, his throat tight with emotion. "Tell me not to go," she said softly.

He shook his head. "I can't do that."

She reached up and cupped his face, pressing her lips to his. It was everything. No holds barred, no pretending, just the two of them trying to put everything they meant to each other into one, final moment.

Sonny pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. "If things were different, I could have loved you," he said softly.

Her eyes were wet with tears. "Me too."

"Be safe." He wrapped his arms around her one final time, pressed a kiss to her hair, closed his eyes, and willed tears not to come. "Give 'em hell."

She nodded and squeezed his arm before she turned and walked toward security. He waited, watching until she made it to the other side. Her eyes searched for him and he lifted a hand. Then she was gone.

Somehow he made it to the base. Home just seemed too empty right now. He was doing sets at the gym when Clay walked in. "Hey."

Sonny grunted in response, lifting the bar back into place. "Davis get off all right?" Clay asked.

"Yep." He kept going, aware that Clay was still watching. He didn't want to talk right now. Or maybe ever again. Another grunt as he lifted the bar.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Nope." He heaved and this time the bar didn't quite make it up. Clay caught it and racked it back into place. "Sonny."

"I'm fine."

"Right. But let's go get a drink anyway."

"I don't want a drink."

"Sonny. Come on."

"I told her I wouldn't get drunk." He'd meant it when he said he'd changed. He wouldn't spin out and lose himself this time, no matter how much he wanted to.

"You're not going to get drunk," Clay said steadily. "We're gonna have one drink and talk. Might make you feel better."

Sonny didn't move, not trusting himself to speak. "It's all right you know," Clay said. "If you're not okay. I might uh, I might know a little something about how that feels."

Sonny felt his throat tighten and tears rush to his eyes. He wasn't okay. He wasn't even close to okay. And he wasn't sure he ever would be again.

He sat up and swiped a hand across his face. "I think I just lost the best thing I've ever had in my life." His voice was hoarse and he clenched his jaw, trying to keep his tears at bay.

Clay put a hand on his shoulder. "Yeah, I know brother. Come on. I'm buying."

Sonny followed Clay out of the gym, a heaviness in his shoulders that had nothing to do with his workout. Letting Lisa go had been the right thing to do. But her loss was a wound unlike anything he'd ever experienced. It felt permanent. And he didn't think there was anything in the world that was going to make him whole again.


End file.
